BIG DOGS THAT THINK THEY’RE SMALL LAP DOGS ARE MY FAVORITE DOGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
It took me a while until I finally got to learn it’s not ok to apologize for my feelings. Feelings are not something to be ashamed of. I’m not sorry for being sad, I’m not sorry for being mad and I’m certainly not sorry for being happy. I used to apologize to my friends everytime I was sad and showing it to them because I felt like I was annoying them. But then I realized that if your friends get annoyed by your sadness, then they aren’t your friends at all.
*nearby lesbian laughter*
*muffled asexual snickering*
*conflicted pansexual noises*
*moderately panicked bisexual muttering*
HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH
Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control.
Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.
Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people.
*asexual snickering increases in volume*
this nice old man on the train started talking talking to me about acronyms like LOL and ROFL (which is a conversation I can’t resist) and he told me to get his prototype acronym famous with the kids: FMLO: Farting My Laugh Out
truly this is the most important development of our age. spread the word.
Dear employers, I will have to take the day off today because:
☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm
☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again
☐ A dog looked at me
☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance
☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven
☐ Daylight savings time
☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?
☐ Girls are too pretty
☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted
☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen